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I'm sure that if we didn't have children, I'd have left this unhappy marriage a long time ago. He is not a bad man, just a very complex one - incapable of an intimate relationship.

After all, your parents don't live on the other side of the globe and you could set up videocam links to help you feel closer. But you may even reach a stage where, shocked and frightened at the real possibility that you might leave, he is ready to seek help himself. I lost my daughter four hours after her birth in 1972.

Having made that decision and had some good sessions with an expert, you will be ready to talk to your husband. I went on to have another beautiful daughter in 1974, then a son in 1978.

I am terrified to leave for fear of making the wrong decision, devastating everyone's lives. When I met him I was at an emotional low point, having ended a five-year relationship with someone I desperately loved, but who was repeatedly unfaithful.

Longing to marry and have children, I fell into the relationship with my husband - despite the age gap and the fact that I wasn't hugely attracted. Though opposite in every way, we shared some lovely times and he made me feel protected.

But still, Tolstoy would surely agree with me when I tell you: no, not 'all marriages' are like yours.

Although many people rub along together, neither happy nor unhappy, a very particular and real pain speaks to me through your longer email.

For various reasons which you understand, you are convinced you made the wrong choice of husband. If I thought you were a 'selfish perfectionist', I'd fill this space with sensible words about accepting the inevitable shortfall within any marriage.

Yet something is telling me that this goes beyond such pragmatic counsel.

My husband was once warm to them, but now can hardly be bothered. My family live in Scotland and I miss them terribly.

I long to be near them, so my parents can watch their grandchildren grow up, but my husband will not move.

We live in a lovely place, in a lovely house, and I have some nice friends, but I still feel isolated.